15 February 2015

And Back Again…

Change is headed our way. Again.

It has been sought after. It has been chosen. It has been welcomed.

But it is not easy.

In fact it might be the hardest change I have ever chosen.


Back in the summer, we were feeling ready for a change. We have this tendency to feel a little too comfortable sometimes and seek out change. Seek out challenge. This is definitely true for me and you can see it easily because I move my furniture around every few weeks if I can. I like a change. I like things to feel different. I like the challenge of adjusting, reorganizing, creating new systems. Geeky, I know.

So this summer we were just praying. Praying for guidance on which path to take. The path that would lead us to several more years Stateside? Or the path that would lead us back overseas.
I could see myself walking down either path. Neither path would have been easy. Even the staying path definitely had some challenges in it.

The past two years we have had in our current home is the longest time we have been settled in a place since Mike and I were married over 10 years ago. We lived in Africa for 7 of it, but it was NEVER stable. Much of it was wondering whether we’d be there by the time the seasons changed (oh wait, the seasons never changed, ha!) or spent coming back and forth .  These couple years of stability in our home have been a true gift for me. It’s been deeply healing and restorative.

In the meantime God has been teaching me so much about eternal perspective. He put this topic deep in my spirit and it’s shaping who I am. I think a decent strategy for resisting the pulls of this current life and maintaining an eternal perspective is to live in a place that you normally wouldn’t and to intentionally make decisions that don’t lead to an ‘easy’ life. When things are too easy we tend to get too comfortable and turn our eyes inward. Those are two great ways to stay focused on our true purposes. This life is a mere speck on a borderless canvas of forever-life.  I don’t want to forget that. I want to remain focused.

Comfort, safety, long worry-less days with dear friends and family, time to pursue passions and hobbies, endless time to explore God’s creation, writing, reading, creating, laughing, relaxing, enjoying the work of my hands… that is all in my eternal future. A lot of that is in my present life too, but I see those things now as TASTE of what is to come… not what I put my main effort towards in this life. Those things (in their true, full expressions) are part of the paradise that I’m headed for. I don’t want the shaping of those things into a paradise for myself NOW to be what I put my life towards.

These past two years have given me the tiniest glimpse into the loving community we will have with fellow believers in heaven. And I’m inspired. I live in community that truly feels like doing daily life with a bunch of brothers and sisters. It does have it’s difficulties (like in any family), but I feel like I’m truly a part of the body of Christ. I may have the sort of community around me now that many search their entire lives for and never find.

I’m a blessed, blessed woman.

Blessed to be a blessing.
All this blessing has motivated me to push on towards eternity. It’s given me a taste of what's to come. And it’s challenged me to resist the comfort and say “See ya later”  to it all for now and step into the unknown.

Leaving is going to hurt. It already hurts. Deep, tear-pouring, body-wracking hurt that hits me in waves. What we have now I may never have again this side of eternity. But I do have full confidence that it’ll come again for me after I pass from this life to this next, because of what I believe Jesus did for me on the cross. 

It’s the depth of love that I have for community now that makes it hurt so badly to leave.

It’s the taste of this blessed season that is my fuel for stepping back into the desert.


Sahara Desert to the Rocky Mountains… and back again…
(move planned for the fall of this year)

1 comment:

  1. God bless you, Suzanne! You are indeed a blessed, blessed woman. Your family is truly an example for many of us!


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