11 May 2015

Two Tiny Pink Lines

Mike was gone most of February traveling overseas. I usually do okay when he is gone but this time around it was hard. HARD.

I wasn’t feeling well most of the time and was becoming so frustrated with myself. With Mike gone, I cook very simply for the kids, if I cook at all. It’s lots of bean burritos (okay, that’s normal) and lots of ‘kid food’ that isn’t the best for us. But it’s easy to make and it’s easier to get them to eat and easy is GOOD in these circumstances.

But I felt like weeks of eating poorly was catching up with me and I wasn’t feeling well. I was talking myself into doing a cleanse when he returned just to get back on track and hopefully feel better because of it.

Then.

Then one afternoon just before he arrived home I feel asleep on my bed in the middle of the afternoon and I could NOT get up. I was so so very exhausted.  As I peeled myself off the bed I had a thought…

“Wait. This feels like something I’ve felt before.”

No. It couldn’t be. I couldn’t be pregnant. This couldn’t be first trimester nausea and exhaustion. I had fertility help for my last two pregnancies. AND we had been contracepting (sorry TMI).  Each of our children had been carefully planned and I knew I was carrying them as soon as it was possible to know… weeks before the sickness even showed up. Pregnancy was entirely TOO unlikely. Indeed, I just need to do a cleanse and get my husband back to help with the kids so I’m not so exhausted.

Right!

Right.

A day or two after he returned I was feeling the same. Blech. So I swung by the store and grabbed a pregnancy test just to rule out the possibility, get it out of my head and move on with discovering why I was feeling so awful.

So I took the test.

And there was one tiny line, as expected.

And then there were two tiny pink lines.

I lost my breath for a few moments.

Are my eyes fooling me?

Are these things ever wrong?

How is this possible?

Oooooohhhhh mmmmyyyyyy this changes things.

Breathe.

I texted Mike to come home immediately before the children were out of school. I showed him the test.

Surprise. A fourth baby, honey!

He was shocked, but quickly declared what a blessing this baby was going to be. He’s so right.

The next few days and weeks had my mind spinning about how this change in ‘plan’ changed the picture I had of my next five years of life. Major adjustments. So many things have changed for me. This dear baby is due to be born the very WEEK we had planned to move overseas. And literally one week earlier I had given away the last of our baby things, Ha!

Slowly we have fully adjusted to the idea and we are very excited. It’s been a hard pregnancy so far, which is usual for me. And sometimes I think we are crazy for pursuing a move overseas with a newborn baby and three other kids. What. Are. We. Doing?!!!

But we are so certain that this new life is God’s will for us. This baby has already defied the odds, big time.

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So here we are. Me and my fourth (fifth, actually) child, at 17 weeks. We’ll find out soon if it’s a tiny boy or a tiny girl.

We love you little one, what a blessed surprise you are to our family!

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